“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice”

For the life of me, I don’t know what this post is. I am in an extremely strange time in my life, it was my 24th birthday last week and up until a few weeks back, I was reasonably excited about it (reasonably because I am that person that hates birthdays and hasn’t wanted to get any older since turning 21).

Life, over the past few weeks has been – and if I’m being totally honest, still kinda is – absolute hell. And I’m so sorry for being one of those “I can’t tell you right now” knobs, but I’m just not ready to talk about it right now and if I’m honest, it’s probably not something I’ll ever delve into… but I felt like I needed to say that things are just a bit shit. Youtube video’s are extremely scarce and blog posts are 99% sponsored – which upsets me so much – because I’ve only just managed to pull myself together to create those, let alone create anything else. Blogging is my job and whilst all I’ve wanted to do for the last 3 weeks is close my laptop and collapse into bed, play sad music and cry myself a river – f**k me this is morbid isn’t it – I just haven’t been able to, and it led me to quite a realisation.

Recently I was reflecting on the year with some friends and saying that it has been by far the toughest but best year of my life. My Grandad passed away and it was the worst thing in the world, but then my career has jumped from strength to strength and I’m now in a position that I never even dreamed possible. I travelled the world, I collaborated with some insanely amazing brands, I was the face of a couple of brand campaigns (I know, what the f**k!)… and it was just the year that everything kind of fell into place.

Fast forward literally a few weeks from that conversation and I cannot even explain to you the complete and utter hell that I’ve been through ever since. To say that it was like the rug being pulled from under me just does not do justice to it. And I really don’t want to sound like a moping, depressing annoying AF Myrtle but going through such sadness and heartache and feeling like you’ll never be happy ever again, to feeling slightly more positive, to having to carry on with blogging life (think going to meetings, shoots etc. pretending everything is perfection with the biggest smile whilst internally feeling like my life is falling apart). And then, just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, life was like “lol, bitch, get back in your box” and my Nan fell extremely ill. Cue spending 3 days straight in hospital, constant worry and constant tears whilst receiving constant urgent work emails and feeling like I’m actually going to die to stress.

I really, really hate this post because I’d like to think I was a positive internet person but sometimes things get too much and something has to give and unfortunately this blog and my youtube channel was it, and I felt like I owed you an explanation for that.

So yeah, life’s been more difficult than I ever imagined possible and I was genuinely so sad, and so down and so at my lowest point that everyone around me thought I would never really be OK again. But here’s the thing, they say that “You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice” and if I could insert 10 billion hallelujah/hands up emojis here, I would. Because despite everyone else always preaching that I’m strong, I really strongly disagreed. I’ve been through shit before but I never chose to be a martyr and carry on, I just kind of had no option to do anything but. But over the last few weeks I somehow managed to experience the lowest of lows, and still carry on working, painting on a smile (then crying it off and then having to redo it again), going to meetings and pretending that life is hunky dory, writing blog posts about bliss and happiness and omg all the good, happy things in life, putting on a smile around family because my Nan was priority and I definitely wasn’t and generally, just carrying on. When inside, I felt like I didn’t really have anything to fight for. I didn’t have any fight full stop. 

And as much as this desperately sounds like it, this isn’t me going “hey bitches, I’m a mother f**king legend”… this is me saying, that if you’re going through hell right now, if you feel like life will never be OK again… I promise it will. I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not saying that there isn’t a shit storm of sadness ahead, but I promise you’ll be OK. And for anyone not going through shit and having a lovely time I hate you please don’t take it for granted. Please be happy and enjoy every moment, but do realise that life can completely change in an instant. And if it does, you’ll be OK in the end. 

You’re stronger than you think you are!


P.S Thank you for always being the biggest babes and making me feel like I have a little army on my side (Ally and Hayley especially have been my complete and utter heroes) you da best <3


  1. Call Me Amy says:

    So sorry to hear you've had such a tough time recently – I was wondering where your YouTube videos were but just assumed you were really busy so sorry for assuming! I hope things get better for you, it's amazing what we can pull through and you'll come out the other side so much stronger. I never take being happy for granted because I've had times when I've been really unhappy and I've felt just as you describe – like you'll never be happy again but you WILL I promise, you're such a strong person and an absolute babe and I wish you nothing but happiness and hope you find it soon! So much love to you hun <3 xxx

  2. Oh Ellie, I'm sorry things have been tough for you – I know I'm not geographically close to you but I'm only ever a message away if you need me! Always let me know if there's anything I can do xxx

    Sam // What I Know Now

  3. I love you so, so much lady! Well done for writing this post lovely as I know how hard/shit it is – even to admit it to yourself let alone others. But HECK we your army and we have your back, ALWAYS <3

    Hayley xo

  4. Oh Elle, I really hope you are feeling better now! It's totally fine to feel like shit at times – even for a long time too, because hey (!) life ain't perfect. It really does suck when life goes downhill and doesn't go up in an instant does it? I've been there a couple times, and I honestly thought that the sadness was gonna drown me, but hey, I got up and felt better in the end – and I hope you do too. Sending lots of love from across the world! <3

  5. Holly White says:

    Oh Elle, I really hope you're okay! I'm always here to chat to if you need someone – I've felt how you've felt and it's awful. But, you are SO right – things will be okay and it will all get better xxx

  6. Laura says:

    Aww I am so sorry to hear that you're feeling like that, sending ALL THE hugs! I really hope you feel better soon and in the meantime, keep resting and spending time with those people who can make you feel even slightly better. Also, thank you for writing this post because I've had a really rough couple of days too and this really helped, thank you. xxx

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

  7. In a world full of bloggers promoting their seemingly perfect lifestyles this was refreshing as hell. I had one of the worst days of my life yesterday and I think one of the most depressing things is when you feel like you're so low that you'll never get back to 'normal' but you're right that things end up ok in the end. Even if they don't end up good they'll end up OK, and sometimes that's all you need.

  8. Katy English says:

    I'm SO sorry to hear this hun! <3 sending you all the massive cuddles and good vibes, and I hope things start to improve for you soon. xxx

  9. Cate EC says:

    Oh sweets, I'm so sorry you're having a shitty time. As they say, 'if you're going through hell, keep going.' All my love to your nan and family xxx

  10. S, x says:

    Sending you lots of love xxx
    Sophie Cliff

  11. WELL. There are tears trying to escape my eyes right now. I'm so incredibly proud of you ( you know that) Well done for sharing this & keep going gal, you're doing incredibly!


  12. Immy May says:

    MY LOVE <3 I am so sorry to hear this Ellie πŸ™ Sending you all the hugs, mugs of tea and slabs of cake. You know we are all 12093% here for you at all times, and are so totally supportive if you just fancy shutting the laptop and taking a step back for a lil bit. You are so right about being stronger than you think, there have been nightmare situations that I would have never foreseen happening but somehow managed to survive to tell the tale. I really hope things look up for you very soon (they will) and I am sending all my love and more to your Nan xxx

  13. Oh dear babe, I'm so sorry to hear you've been going through a tough time! I guess you have had a rollercoaster of a year this year and I've noticed you've not been very active on social media but I assumed you were just busy. If you ever want to catch up, I'm here! πŸ™‚

  14. Kara says:

    Perfectly articulated lovely, and so sorry to hear you going through such shit. We all have it and it always seems to happen in one go and I completely feel for you having been through similar stuff this year. All I can say is sending all the love and hoping your friends and family are all around you to get you through it all πŸ™‚ xxx

  15. Nicola Lomax says:

    Aww, hun, I'm so saddened to read this but utterly happy that you now seem to be on the right track. I've never commented before but have been a fan of your blog for a while. Keep that chin up, especially at this time of year, you are right. It will get better.
    Much love xxxxx

  16. Aw, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. It may take a while, but everything will eventually get better. xx

  17. I love you. You are my favourite.

  18. alya says:

    Sorry to hear that lovely. Everything is temporary and yes we are all much, much stronger than we think we are!

    moorizZLA xx

  19. Beautylymin says:

    I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through so much, Ellie. Surround yourself with the people who love you and be find to yourself xx

    Beautylymin| CaseAppGiveaway

  20. Ohh it sounds like everything is rubbish for you πŸ™ It's hard because you know you will feel better eventually but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm only nearby if you ever want a coffee or to eat an entire Ben & Jerry's each πŸ™‚ xx

  21. Polly Rowan says:

    So sorry to hear this Ellie, take as much time as you need and don't worry about the sponsored posts. Hope things get better. x

  22. Raquel says:

    Hope everything gets better soon, it definitely will! On a side note it is so great to see a blogger being raw and sharing about real life situations. Sometimes it is easy to forget as a blogger that behind outfit posts and all of the glam there is a person with deep emotions. So proud of you! xx

  23. I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through a lot lately πŸ™ I hope everything will get better asap and also I hope your nan is feeling better now. Never stop believing yourself, when you do then everything gets even more miserable and hard to handle. That quote is the best! x

    Ela BellaWorld

  24. Jayd Alice says:

    You're so brave for posting this and I'm sending you and your family all my love and thoughts! You're such a babe for being honest about everything and for picking yourself back up off the floor numerous times and I'm sure I'm not the only one that admires you for it. Roll on 2017 and I hope it's a good one for you chick x

    Always, Alice

  25. Honest mum says:

    Sending you so much love. Thanks for writing this, this last week has been a week from hell and there's so much that's happened this year I can relate to you in your words-career highs with personal lows as a relative has been really ill. You are a warrior girl. Writing this shows your strength and it will help so many xxx

  26. I love you loads Elle and always think you are the most positive person, but are so entitled to have feelings and I am proud of how you're doing. You are surrounded by so amny amazing people, always here for you <3

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

  27. Rachel-Beth says:

    Elle I'm so sorry to hear that things have been hard for you! **Sends the biggest ever hug** You are such a strong and inspiring person, so just hang in there and it'll get better. If you ever want to get I'm just an Instagram DM away, even though I'm on the other side of the world.

    Rachel xx

  28. Josie says:

    Not everything can be happyhappyhappy all day, every day and if you need to express how you're feeling then there's no better place to do so on your blog! Don't apologise, write what you damn well please – you're entitled to your emotions. I'm sorry you've been going through such a tough time, I really hope things are better soon and that you feel brighter x

    Sick Chick Chic

  29. Alina Bostan says:

    Aw Ellie I am so sad to hear life is just not working out for you at the moment. Just the fact that you write this has definitely helped someone out there to know they are not alone when life gets shit, so well done to you for writing it. I hope 2017 will have amazing and happy things in store for you. Lots of hugs xox

    Beauty with charm

  30. I love your blog, thank you for sharing!
    xoxo, Hadasah

  31. So so sorry to hear things have been shit, I hope 2017 picks up and you feel happier soon, good for you for writing this!

    Sophie xx

  32. So sorry to hear you are going though a really difficult time. Hang on in there, time is a great healer (and as cliche as that sounds they do say that for a reason). I really enjoy your blog posts and youtube channel and love your honesty. Hope 2017 is a great year for you and that you feel better soon x

  33. Hi Elle, I've been away and just seen your post – so sorry to hear this. I know how it feels as I lost my Gran this year. Take care

  34. Hey love. I remember you saying you are having a hard time, and to repeat what I have said before, message me if you need to talk. It seems like every time I am having a shitty experience, you are going through a rough time as well. And yeah, I have been posting only because of the sponsored ones need to be up and it sucks. I feel your pain.
    Please, please, please message if all you ever need to do is vent. Believe me, I got your back.
    Angie | Chocolate & Lipstick | Beauty, Fashion & Lifestyle Blog

  35. Marie says:

    So sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I absolutely love reading your blog and following you on Instagram. We are all human and have bad days, weeks and even months. Hope 2017 will be a positive year for you with many more successes.

  36. Are you looking for a reliable and a good spell caster to bring back your ex or stop a divorced? Email Dr Jakiki right here in United states or text him +1 (402) 892-2486

    I am Amber Rosa from FLORIDA, When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster Dr.Jakiki, how he helped many people to get their lovers and broken homes back, i contacted him too,because I was absolutely desperate to get my lover back. Life without my lover was a real mess for me and my kids. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought love spell could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with Dr Jakiki, he gave me hope that he will restore my relationship. I felt confident that he will actually make my lover to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what this great spell caster have done for me, his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without Dr.Jakiki, He does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to all kinds of spell, I am so happy that my lover return back home. If you need help, contact him right now through these details below:

    Text him and dont call: +1 (402) 892-2486

    rpg maker mv torrent
    RPG Maker MV Torrent is the most advanced and comprehensive best Role-Playing Games (RPGs) tool that allows you to create your own RPGs with a simple scripting language without programming knowledge.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest Vlogs