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IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK

20/01/2017

You know when you write some sassy posts and Instagram captions after sharing a shitty life update and everyone’s like “BAE YOU’VE GOT THIS”, “You have so got this”, “Absolutely killing it right now”, “I can’t wait to see what the year has to hold for you”, “This is your time”… and one for luck, “girl, you have totally got this”.


And then you’re like, hold on a sec, I may feel like a pile of turd that’s cried all of the rivers but you’re right, I have so got this.


And you go about life genuinely feeling for a few days, maybe even a week like you’ve actually got this untiiiiiiil it all comes crashing down. This has basically been my 2017 so far.


Ffs this sounds so morbid and moaning myrtle and completely not the vibe I was going for at all this year and don’t get me wrong, there are areas of my life that are going amazingly (thank you 2017 for not completely battering me to a pulp), but if last year taught me anything (I mean, it taught me a hell of a lot), it’s that opening up and being honest with you lot is 100% the best option. And honestly, if opening up helps as many people as it did the last time I spoke honestly, then it’ll all be worth it.

Coat of dreamsJacques Vert / BagGucci / BootsRiver Island / Scarf River island

When everyone assured me that I was sassier than the dancing red lady emoji, deep down I never really believed it. Because that isn’t me and my confidence levels are smaller than a pea, but it was so so lovely to be given a boost by a group of babes that I respect – and appreciate – more than I can put into words.

But here’s the thing, whilst I was given a major boost and was feeling, on the most part, good, I forgot/completely disregarded that it’s OK not to feel OK*. And this was one of the most detrimental things to happen because when all of the positive vibes started to wear off and I saw myself looking and feeling like a sack of potatoes and those sassy levels shrunk back down to being pea sized… I felt like shit. 

*I am so sorry that you’re now going to be singing Jessie J for the next 3 hours.

And I think sadly, I felt afraid and quite frankly pissed off at myself for not being the strong, sassy “I got this” girl that everyone thought I was. I remember bursting into tears and having a shocking day after a week of no tears and so much positivity and my Mum and 2 closest friends actually said to me, this needed to happen because you were too OK. You were miraculously positive. You were just getting on with life as if nothing had happened. But something had happened… big and major and totally life-altering and actually, it’s a much, much more unnatural response to be OK about it than completely devastated.

The thing is, I poured my heart out to the internet, got a response that I never dreamed possible (I still get emails to this day thanking me for writing it and helping them feel less alone) and felt fucking great. But then I think I just put pressure on myself to carry on feeling fucking great but life, and break ups in particular, don’t work like that.

Work stress and life stress and the reality sinking in knocked me back down to earth one day and ever since I’ve had what I can only describe as a low, dull, painful ache of heartbreak. I’m not crying everyday and I’m still laughing my head off, but there’s always pure ache missing someone deeply. 

And d’you know what I realised, that is so bloody OK. In fact, it’s completely normal and maybe even expected. I’m constantly told by people, it could be 6 months, 8 months, a year, 2 years before you feel over it and ready to move on so actually, 5 weeks down the line… I’m not doing too badly. And actually, it’s not a weakness to be vulnerable. Vulnerability opens us up to emotions, it makes us feel. The good and the bad but it makes up experience everything fully. 

It’s funny isn’t it, they say time is a healer but time is also the thing that turns you into a bit of a crazy psychopath that constantly assesses everything. I remember saying that after my 2016 post I’d never mention the breakup again but actually, I feel like I’ve got to a place where it a) makes things a little easier, because we all know blogging is a free form of therapy, and b) it’s a huge – let’s face it – the main thing ruling my life at the minute, and this blog is about my life, so why wouldn’t I occasionally word vomit and sit here with a bar of toblerone and box of tissues being a crying drippy mess and letting the words flow?
I also want to make it so, so clear that I’m not only referring to breakups, this could be grief, this could be just having a bad day, this could be bad mental health periods in your life… I just think that you, we, need to realise that it is 100%, totally OK not to be OK. We live in a world where it’s the be all and end all (and let’s face it, is lucrative) to portray a perfect life over social media but if I’m honest, those couples that you hashtag CoupleGoals on their content, they could be in the most toxic relationship. The girl you think is BodyGoals, she might struggle with her body image and mental health on a daily basis… focus on yourself, don’t compare yourselves to others (lol, if I had a magic potion from Prof Snape that could let me do this… ) and just know that you’re doing OK.

You’re doing OK and you’re probably killing it. I think I realised that you can actually being feeling like shite and still be killing it and still totally have this. 

And at least if you don’t now, eventually, in time, you will. Don’t count that time and don’t watch the clocks and don’t compare how quickly someone else was OK to how you’re doing… sometimes you just have to get your head down and get on with it and take each day as it comes, and in the end, you’ll be OK.

At least I really hope that’s true because I’m waiting for that peach of a moment to happen and if it doesn’t there’s gonna be a hella lot more depressing posts on this blog [insert cry laughter emoji here but we all know that deep down I am not crying with laughter. Lol, but totally not lol].
I’m aware that this post has kind of trounced all over my positive Polly vibes and I do hope that everyone taking comfort in my strength isn’t now feeling like “Oh ffs, get yourself together, I thought you had this, I needed you have got this”. Realistically I wanted it to turn into an empowering, positive message but I still haven’t quite nailed the ability to do that when I’m not feeling it myself.

If it helps, I do actually, genuinely believe that I will be OK. And as lame as it may sound, I think that that’s half of the battle. EDIT: Since starting to write this post I have had two absolutely smashing, full of positivity days and have fully accepted that this is going to be a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but the shitty times are there to help you appreciate the good. EDIT: Since writing the previous “edit” I had a goddamn awful day, also reinforcing the whole rollercoaster thing.


“Stars can’t shine without darkness” and all that…

I always say feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below and this is no different. I have always been so lucky to have great engagement with you guys and I think it’s because my posts are always conversations with you, rather than telling you what to wear or how to boss life. So let me know your thoughts, start a discussion, I genuinely love hearing from every single one of you!

Thanks so much for reading!

xx

27 responses to “IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK”

  1. I love reading your posts Elle! They never fail to make me feel positive and uplifted. It is okay to not be okay because we're all human and sometimes shit just happens, but what you take and learn from that is so important too x

    Everything But The Kitchen

    • Are you looking for a reliable and a good spell caster to bring back your ex or stop a divorced? Email Dr Jakiki right here in United states Spellcasthome@gmail.com or text him +1 (402) 892-2486

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    • Brian Donald says:

      BREAKUP REHAB ( AWESOME TRUE STORY )

      I am Brian Donald and this is my testimony. In September 18th 2017, my girlfriend Maggie called it a quit to our 6 years relationship. it was pathetic, i tried to calm her down but she insisted on breakup because she has met another nice guy in Sydney. the pain was too-much for me to bear, so i went online to look for help then i saw a blog about this powerful spell caster from USA called Dr. Ugo Wonders. i read alot of testimonies about him but i was not too sure if he could help me because i was living in Australia but i decided to give him a try. i emailed him all about my relationship problem and my fear for distance, he assured me not to worry that distance is not a barrier and that the wind blows, so shall my help locate me in 24 hours.i trusted him by his words at once and followed his instructions. Immediately after 24 hours of casting the spell as he instructed me, my girlfriend who left me to be with another man came back home to me and started begging me forgiveness. i was shocked, surprised and amazed and i was like "wow" it worked like a magic. this is the reason i decided to share this my wonderful testimony with the whole world to contact this world classified spell caster called Dr. Ugo for any relationship or breakup issues via his email generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number +13863369876 website: http://generalspelltempleblog.wordpress.com

      BREAKUP REHAB ( AWESOME TRUE STORY )

      I am Brian Donald and this is my testimony. In September 18th 2017, my girlfriend Maggie called it a quit to our 6 years relationship. it was pathetic, i tried to calm her down but she insisted on breakup because she has met another nice guy in Sydney. the pain was too-much for me to bear, so i went online to look for help then i saw a blog about this powerful spell caster from USA called Dr. Ugo Wonders. i read alot of testimonies about him but i was not too sure if he could help me because i was living in Australia but i decided to give him a try. i emailed him all about my relationship problem and my fear for distance, he assured me not to worry that distance is not a barrier and that the wind blows, so shall my help locate me in 24 hours.i trusted him by his words at once and followed his instructions. Immediately after 24 hours of casting the spell as he instructed me, my girlfriend who left me to be with another man came back home to me and started begging me forgiveness. i was shocked, surprised and amazed and i was like "wow" it worked like a magic. this is the reason i decided to share this my wonderful testimony with the whole world to contact this world classified spell caster called Dr. Ugo for any relationship or breakup issues via his email generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number +13863369876 website: http://generalspelltempleblog.wordpress.com

  2. Sometimes it can be tough to be positive all the time and thats okay – from time to time I feel down for no reason which is weird but yeah that's life. thank you for a great post

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

  3. Lucy P says:

    This is the post I really needed to read right now. I've had a few things knock me down in the last few days and one minute I'm feeling on top of it and distracted by my job, the next I'm crying alone in my flat. I really want to open up to people and admit that I'm feeling low and flat and vulnerable and sad but I don't know how to do it. I'm sorry that life is being such a rollercoaster for you at the moment, I hope it quickly changes course and just takes you up and up!! xxx
    Lucy @ La Lingua | Life, Travel, Italy

  4. Sophie Cliff says:

    This is such an important post Elle, thank you for sharing it. I have had a very similar experience while grieving for my niece – some days I will feel so positive and ready to tackle life and then the next day I can be crying at my desk. Someone explained to me that getting over these sorts of things is not a linear process and that has really helped me. Sending you lots of love and strength xxx
    Sophie Cliff

  5. What a great read! Life is really full of ups and downs but I know you'll come out better on the other side even if you don't feel it now! Sophie x

    sophiehmstewart.com

  6. Immy May says:

    Such a wonderful read my love. I absolutely 107% know that each and everyone of us who sit and resonate SO much with this post will come out the other end, feeling more like themselves than ever. It is a messy thing, mental health, grieving, break ups. Almost like your mind just had to deal with the different emotions flooding in as and when and as they happen. I am only just learning to sit back and accept if I'm not feeling good. Obvs I try to help myself out, but I don't hold it off anymore. If I feel low / generally a bit shite – I take that time for myself. Everyday holds something different, and that will always make us stronger. Immy x

    http://www.immymay.com

  7. alittlekiran says:

    I get you girl, it's hard to stay positive all the time and it is always great to remind yourself that you are allowed to fail. I know someone who is crippled by the fear of not just failure but not being the best and that stops them from trying at all. I would rather screw up a thousand times than just stop trying so I always remind myself of this. If you feel like shit, like you aren't doing enough then in a way it is GOOD because it shows you have goals, ambition, dreams and they matter to you. Better to care about something enough to put your all into it than not care at all. Gorgeous photos by the way, sorry for my mini sermon haha xxx

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

  8. Jodie Loue says:

    I have literally been a rollercoaster of emotions for so long, and it feels so comforting to feel like I'm not alone. Thank you for creating this post!

    Jodie // jodieloue.com

  9. Hanh says:

    Oh gosh, thank you for pouring your heart out Ellie, I don't think people talk about their low days enough. We forget life is a journey not picture perfect feeds. We learn, grow, heal and most of more learn to have the best relationship with ourselves. xx

    Hanh | hanhabelle

  10. Call Me Amy says:

    Ellie I am loving these personal posts from you and I bet it's doing you the world of good as well – there's nothing better than opening up about something personal in a post and getting a great response PLUS helping others at the same time. I had the shittiest day the other day and when I thought about it at the end of the day I just though actually, I'm pretty lucky that I don't usually feel like this and it is totally OK to have a bad day. However little belief you have in yourself you ARE bossing it, but at the same time your modesty is what makes you so endearing and relatable!
    Amy xx
    http://www.callmeamy.co.uk

  11. Angie Silver says:

    I love your blog for reminding us that what you see on Instagram isn't always the full story. Thank you for another open and personal post that's so relatable to many people.

  12. It's 100% okay to not be okay, it's okay to feel shit and sometimes it feels hard for others to teel you that because you don't know whether to wallow and worry or surpress it and carry on. Of course, life will get better and you will grow and feel yourself again, but if you need to cry or feel sad for 5 minutes then it's human, normal and totally understandable 🙂

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

  13. Oh lady I love this post and you! It's completely okay to not feel okay – and 'heartbreak not-okay' is the WORST, but you absolutely have got this my love, and all of us have your back for when you're not quite feeling yourself! <3

    Hayley xo
    http://www.frockmeimfamous.com

  14. You can't be a positive Polly all the time, let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. You'll pull through, you've still GOT THIS <3

    http://www.justbeingbrooklyn.com

  15. Oh Elle you little bean, it's totally ok not to be ok. I, like you, have plonked a smile on my face one too many times when I've been going through something hard and I eventually learnt that it's ok to not always have everything together! I'm so glad you're taking some time for you, it's the best thing. Churn out as many emotional outlet posts as you see fit, because a) they will still be written in your fabulous style and voice and b) you are just an awesome human being and we love your blog!
    I haven't been on your blog for a while lovely and I'm sorry to hear what's happened, I hope you're doing ok. I'm always here if you need a chat! 🙂

    Heather Xx
    100waysto30.co.uk

  16. Robyn Taylor says:

    Loved this post babe! Jessie J deffo now in my head. It's so weird being a blogger because we only tend to show all the fun bits of our lives but I think it's so important to share that actually we aren't always 'ok' and that it's ok not to be. The whole 'you're killing it' is fab to hear sometimes but so many other things go on in our lives behind the scenes that you don't always feel that way. Of course, I think you're always killing it, but it's ok if you're not feeling it all the time! We're only human!

    Robyn / Phases Of Robyn

  17. I've definitely had those days where I feel defeated, but it's helped me by staying positive and also practicing yoga. It's such a stress reliever =o) Love the coat by the way!

    https://dreamofadventures.blogspot.com

  18. Honestly, Elle you really are doing amazing. And sometimes it feels SO GOOD to lose your shit and just cry like a blubbering mess.. Getting everything out there in the open and pouring your emotion into a blog post means you can slowly, but surely piece everything back together. One day you'll wake up and be like, holy shit balls, I am feeling ABSOLUTELY FINE today. It's the weirdest thing but it will happen, and for now take one day at a time. If you need to sit with a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, tissues and The Notebook, then so be it. Lots of love lovely girl xxxx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

  19. Dear friend, this post is so cool! Love it!
    Hadasah Love || http://www.styletolove.com

  20. Gil Zetbase says:

    Wonderful photos!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase

  21. Lovely photos as always, doll. As for feelling "not okay". I think you inspired me to share my story of why I am leaving Canada when we only just got here. While it won't be for a while as it feels too raw, and I don't want family to question me on it, I am going to be post it once I set down back on London.
    Thank you, sweet.
    Angie | Chocolate & Lipstick | Beauty, Fashion & Lifestyle Blog

  22. My Ex and I broke up 1 year and 2 months ago and i was six months pregnant. We both love each other and it was a shock to me and it really broke my heart. I tried to call him and both of his lines were disconnected. I tried to reach him on social networks but he deleted me off of them. I tried to reach his parents and they told me that their son said that he does not love me and does not want to see me and they do not know what is wrong. I cried and cried everyday because I loved him very much. Until I gave birth and the baby was one year old, I could not get my love back. Again, I was confused. I do not know what to do and I also lost my job and I have no money to take care of the baby. I was miserable in life so I cried to my sister and told her my problem and said that she knew of one powerful spell caster that helped her when she could not get pregnant. I contacted him by email and he said he will help me and told me that a woman cast a spell upon my man and said he will help me break the spell so my man will come back to me and be mine forever. It was a great surprise to me that everything that he said came to pass. My man came back to me immediately, saying that I should forgive him. I am sending a very big thank you to this powerful and real spell caster. I pray for him to live long and do more of his wonderful work. If you have any kind of problem disturbing you in life, you have to contact this powerful spell caster! He can help you. He will not disappoint you, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 , you can also visit his website:http://unityspelltemple.webs.com .

    Elizabeth Alexandra from United Kingdom.

  23. Alex says:

    Good new my bf is back.. I was having serious relationship problems with my bf and it has gotten to a point of him moving out to his friend’s apartment. everything got worse because he started going to bars and strip clubs frequently with his friend, getting drunk and passing out. He always threatens me on phone whenever I call him because of all the bad advises that his friend has given him. I really love him and we had been dating for 8 years which gave us a beautiful daughter. I had also lost a lot of money on therapists until I was introduced to Dr happy by a friend whom he helped to marry her childhood bf; this gave me total confidence and strength to get him back. I did all he asked and a day after the spell my bf called me and rushed back home, things just changed between us emotionally. He has a job and stopped drinking and keeping irrelevant friends. It’s a miracle I never believed was possible because I had lost all hope until I found Dr happy. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. Please my advise to every one looking for relationship help, marriage help, get and fix your broken home, is to contact Dr happy the real Africa spell caster now on………….. happylovespell2@gmail.com for more about him and his love spell how it work fast, visit his web site….. http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ and for mobile call or….. Whats-app messages add him on +2348133873774…….

  24. Kate Clancy says:

    Hey guys!

    How to get your Ex-Lover back fast,stop a divorce or break-up even if your situation seems hopeless!!

    After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try.

    I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,

    Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
    Call or Whats-app him: +2348071622464 ,
    Web site:www.unityspelltemple.simplesite.com .

  25. Selena A says:

    I was in total despair when I found Dr. Todd. My life was going terrible and I didn't know if I was coming or going. I had just gone through a rough divorce, wasn't making enough money to sustain me and my children, and my 17 year old son had just gone to jail for the first time. When I talked to him, I immediately found a sense of peace. He was very honest with me and I could feel that. He also told me that everything would be okay. After my work began, things began to change. My bills were all caught up, the relationship I was in became much stronger, I was never FLAT broke, and my son was released from jail earlier than we expected!! I also completely got over the failed marriage and began to move on. And, received a better position at my job which will cause an $800 per month increase!! I felt completely comfortable with the work that was being done because I was always encouraged by Dr. Todd. manifestspellcast@gmail.com is the BEST!!!!

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