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10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM GOING THROUGH HEARTBREAK

13/03/2017

If I’m being totally honest, I am a little bored of talking about “going through a breakup”. It’s definitely not something I talk about a lot – I’ve actually never done a full post about it (and never will because a – depressing AF and b – just no) and have just mentioned it very vaguely here and there – but it’s one of those things that I know people are interested in. And I get it. I am beyond guilty of clicking on a post labelled Personal in less than 0.0000494 seconds and quite happily devour a post or video about somebody’s personal life.


But I guess because I haven’t mentioned it much on any social platform, and never taking much attention of my blog statistics (and therefore still only believing that my Mum is the only one reading it despite my stats telling me otherwise) I just assumed I could mention it once and be done forever because no one will really care. 


Yeah, I was wrong. Really really wrong because to this day I still receive emails and dm’s after writing my Dear 2016 post and I still get a lot of people asking how I’m doing now, does it get easier, do you still feel like you are on a rollercoaster that will never f**king end, do you still want to run him over and I guess I just realised that actually, I kinda have a responsibility to anyone invested in what happened to let you know how I’m getting on. And the truth is, I’m doing well. Really, really well. Dare I even say, I am happy? (Instant regret in doing this because we all know the breakup gods will bless me with a sad, moaning Myrtle day tomorrow, fml). I was thinking of doing a little update because I just need anyone going through it right now to know that it gets better, so so so much better, time is a healer and all of those other cliches that you never believe are actually true, are actually bloody true [insert hands up/hallelujah emoji here]. But for now, I wanted to talk about what I’ve learned from going through hell a break up; the good, the bad, the ugly and the surprising.

Life can change in a matter of moments. All breakups are different, some are long and drawn out, some should’ve happened years previously, some are the result of one person making a mistake and being a total twat, and some just come out of nowhere, pulling the rug from underneath you and changing your world in a matter of moments (mine kinda fell into the first and the latter, yay me but was mostly still a complete and utter shock). It was shite, shockingly shockingly shite but it made me be more grateful for what I have. My family, my friends – more on this later – my job, everything incredible that I have in life right now, I value more than I ever did before because I know that life has a way of changing in a moment and never letting you get complacent. 


Time is a healer, no matter how terrible or hard the situation is. I genuinely never thought I was going to be OK again when it first all started happening. I felt sick all of the time, it was the first thing on my mind from the moment I woke up to the second I fell asleep, it just… ugh god it was horrendous. I cried a lot, I spoke about it a lot, it was just the worst thing that had happened and I couldn’t imagine ever feeling even a slither of happiness again. But it happened. Every day I laugh until I cry with my best friends, I hang out with my family who are all dreamboats, I am so motivated and excited about my work… I just feel 10000x better than I did and the only thing that made this possible was time. I am only 3 months in – which according to a lot of people is actually pretty early on in the whole shitty process – and I already feel like life is slowly getting back to normal. Better than normal even. Different and scary and fun and exciting and nerve-wracking… but I’m starting a new chapter with a stronger mindset and I cannot wait for what lies ahead.

You never really know someone until you break up with them. I don’t think I really need to even elaborate on this.

Everything happens for a reason. I’ve always thrown this phrase around but last year tested my truth beliefs in this little cliche like no other, and I still, despite going through so much sadness and grief that never made any sense and felt so so awful, I still believe that everything happens for a reason. Things are already happening in this new chapter of mine that wouldn’t have happened before so always believe that what’s meant to be will eventually find it’s way.

One day you will move on. To be honest, I was a little bit sick in my mouth just writing that. I’m moving on, I’m not over it yet, but I know one day in the future I will be. You do move on no matter how much you believe you’ll never be able to. You go back to the person you were, the person without constant sadness and heartbreak but you actually become a better, stronger, well rounded version.

You are stronger than you ever believed you could be. Everyone has always called me strong. I was really ill in hospital a lot when I was younger and I’d been through some shit and just got on with it, but I never believed I was strong until this happened. It’s funny isn’t it, I’ve been so lucky to work on so many amazing campaigns with brands that I’ve loved since I was a teen, I’ve travelled all over the world because of my job… but one of the things I am most proud of is turning up for a Live Shoot with Primark, having cried all night and having had absolutely zero sleep whatsoever (after breaking up that day) and just getting on with it when all I wanted to do was stay in bed in a crumpled mess. Sometimes it’s the seemingly small victories that prove to make the biggest difference. But yeah, sucking it up that day in my saddest moments and being a “girl boss” – brb whilst I vom repeatedly – was the moment that I realised I was stronger than I thought I was. That, actually, I’ve got this. (Lol, looking back now, I did not “have this” in any way back then but sometimes just believing you do is enough).

YOU ARE A SASSY MOFO. Obviously a lot of the time I felt like a sack of potatoes, but some of time time I’d whack on a red lip, wear an outfit I was obsessed with and go for a full day of meetings and events and I felt, for the first time ever, like a totally sassy and independent girl boss! Whether it’s a bold lip, pretty eyeshadow, incredible outfit, a perfume… whatever it is that makes you all MOVE OVER WORLD, wear it, use it, feel like your best self because omg you are never going to need a confidence boost more than right now!

I have never been a confident person. Ever. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to think I am a good person that’s caring and kind and thoughtful. I am confident in my ability to do my job, to meet new people and be able to talk to anyone (I am the chattiest human on the planet and hate awkward silences so I talk 10x more than what’s necessary)… but I think I will just always look in the mirror and see Shrek/Hagrid/Sloth/[Insert your own choice of equally ugly person] looking back at me. Being in a relationship where I truly felt adored obviously helped a lot with this. I was lucky in that I was (nearly) always made to feel like the prettiest, most amazing person on the planet, and whilst I obviously didn’t believe it (because I do have a mirror) it did give me a bit of a boost. I guess you just feel that if the person you’re with thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread then nothing else really matters. But the problem with this is that when your confidence is based on someone else’s opinion of you, you give them the power to rip it all away from you, and this is kinda what happened. I don’t really know how to counteract this as I have never really believed in myself or even believed that I could be a confident person, but I do know that relying on a man/woman/your partner to give you your confidence is something I will never allow myself to do again. 


You work out who your true friends are. Oh sweet baby jesus is this f**king true. I had a couple of friends that I spoke to constantly. Met up with constantly in between meetings and work and life, and I genuinely counted them as true friends. We’d whatsapp all the time, have those kinda phone calls when you’d discuss life and immediately feel so much better after doing so, and then… well, at the first mention of going through the worst time in my entire life, they were kinda just like LOL BYE FOREVER, and I’ve pretty much heard absolutely nada since. So there is that situation. But there is also a situation where people that you always loved and thought were great become those people that you end up talking to all day everyday (Ally and Jess I’m looking at you) and just have the best times with ever. I have honestly laughed more in the last 3 months than I have in my entire life down to the best friends in the entire world and couldn’t be any more grateful to have them in my life. Funnily, I don’t think we’d have been so close had I not gone through the break up so for that reason alone, I am truly truly grateful that everything turned out the way it did! 

You’ll never take any shit from anybody ever again. I am officially now the pickiest person in the world and I think it’s because I would genuinely rather be on my own than be with someone who didn’t deserve/wasn’t right for me. It’s a difficult one because I truly believe that there is strength in showing your vulnerability. And I would hate to lose the softness and kindness and openness that makes me, me. But when you’ve been hurt, it takes a long time and someone really special to build up that trust again and actually… being a bit closed off and guarded is not a bad thing at all. It’s a way of protecting ourselves and making sure that the next person you let in doesn’t turn out to be like the last. But yeah, basically, any bit of sass that you might have possessed (which for me was practically none anyway) comes out in full force. Game playing, mixed signals, leaving you hanging, immediate red flags and generally being a bit twatty…. bye forever.


Bye forever, LOLOLOL at the serious level of sass in my closing argument [insert sassy hand in the air/cry laughter emoji here].

And that brings my little word vomit to an end. Basically, I just wanted to share this because if anyone is going through a breakup right now, I’m beyond aware that it feels like the loneliest place on the planet. But oh my god you are not alone and even though you feel like this is the worst thing imaginable, it does get easier. Breakups are absolutely horrendous, they are the worst kind of pain and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy (lol at the fact that I’m such a people pleaser that I have no enemies)… but, once you’re through the worst and are coming out of the other end, you realise that they teach you some of the biggest life lessons and really make you stronger and better as a person. In the words of Little Mix – “you made my heart break and that made me who I am”.

(In case you’re wondering what that loud bang was, that was me shooting myself in the face for being such a unbearably, cheesy twatface).


But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this post. I hope if you’re going through the same thing that this makes you feel a little less alone. I just hope that you come away from this feeling like there’s hope, like you’ve got this, like there is so much more out there for you… because there really is!


As always, thanks so much for reading!

xx

28 responses to “10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM GOING THROUGH HEARTBREAK”

  1. kerstinix says:

    Such a heartbreaking and yet also uplifting post. I love how openly you can talk about your break up. And I hope you'll soon be completely okay with your situation. You definitely deserve the world.

    Love, Kerstin
    http://www.missgetaway.com/

  2. Corrie♥ says:

    Elle you are a such an inspiration and I still can't believe what was going on that day we did the Primark shoot. You are amazing and you and your blog are doing so well right now. 2017 is your year! <3

  3. S, x says:

    First up, these photos are just all kinds of PERFECTION! Love, love, love them. Secondly, this post is so beautifully written – its so amazing to be able to read your positivity and optimisim so soon after xxx
    Sophie Cliff

  4. I'm so glad you're healing, Elle <3 I can't imagine how unbearably tough the last few months have been for you, but strong is definitely the word. And can I just say you look bloody gorgeous in these photos! x

    Martha Jane | http://www.marthajaneedwards.com

  5. Beautylymin says:

    I am so happy to read this post & know that you are doing well – even better than well!! Good on you, Elle! xx

    Beautylymin

  6. Clo & Gigi says:

    You are just a babe! Such a lovely post which brings both hope and humour to an awful situation! Thanks for writing and big BIG hugs Xx

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  7. I have a theory that the first break ups in our life we have are the hardest and little by little we get over a fear of abandonment or just plain loneliness and they get a lot easier. Just my personal experience but I also found that travelling alone after a break up really helps boost confidence too. I hope you go on to meet someone wonderful.

  8. Laura says:

    Aww I am SO glad to hear that you are feeling better!

    You're so right as well – it's times like these when you really find out who your true friends are, and I'm happy you found your besties through the sadness! It's so important to know that if you need a chat, they will be on the other end of the line 🙂 Hurrah for awesome friendships! xx

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

  9. Lovely post. It was honest, raw and so pure (I sound lame, shoot me) but it's true!

  10. Awe thanks for sharing such personal stuff and I am so glad you are happy now! You look amazing and I love your red skirt!!
    xo
    http://www.laurajaneatelier.com

  11. These photos are absolutely beautiful! Massive props to you.

    I feel like I'm either really lucky or really unlucky that I've never really been through proper heartbreak…

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

  12. LOVE this post so, so much babes! You've absolute GO THIS and you always did have from the beginning! Sending so much love! <3

    Hayley xo
    http://www.frockmeimfamous.com

  13. Call Me Amy says:

    I'm so so happy to hear that you're doing so much better lovely. It's a long road, but you'll get there. I totally get the whole basing your self confidence on someone else's opinion of you, it's so dangerous and luckily I think I finally don't do that anymore! I know I/all your readers say this all the time and you're probably sick of it, but you need to have more self confidence in yourself because you're so beautiful and I wish you could see it! Also this outfit/these photos and that balloon are all amazing!
    Amy xx
    http://www.callmeamy.co.uk

  14. Sheelah Ryan says:

    Hello
    Am from USA, I want to share my testimony to you all i just got married to my husband about 2 years ago we started having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed, fighting about little things he always comes home late at night, drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my children and I don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid, being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so I have nobody to turn to and I was heart broken called my mom and explain every thing to her, my mother told me about Dr. Ogbefi, how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad I was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other was directed to Dr. Ogbefi and explain everything to him, so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where before and be in so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days. So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him Am so happy now. the reason why I decided to share my experience with every body is that if you have such a problem contact him now is ready to solve it for you immediately without wasting time email. solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com. solutionoflovespelltemple@gmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. Ogbefi

  15. Sheelah Ryan says:

    Hello
    Am from USA, I want to share my testimony to you all i just got married to my husband about 2 years ago we started having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed, fighting about little things he always comes home late at night, drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my children and I don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid, being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so I have nobody to turn to and I was heart broken called my mom and explain every thing to her, my mother told me about Dr. Ogbefi, how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad I was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other was directed to Dr. Ogbefi and explain everything to him, so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where before and be in so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days. So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him Am so happy now. the reason why I decided to share my experience with every body is that if you have such a problem contact him now is ready to solve it for you immediately without wasting time email. solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com. solutionoflovespelltemple@gmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. Ogbefi

  16. These photos are so beautiful, it just shines with love! 🙂 Love it!
    Also, I loved reading this! You'll definitely be over it soon, and I love how positive you are, even if you might not feel like it! Sending you all my love <3!
    WritingMonique

  17. It is such a slow (and painful) process but like you said it definitely does get better with time. These images are absolutely beautiful, glad to hear you're doing better <3

    X Emma | http://www.missemmacharlotte.com

  18. Crence says:

    This style is so cute! Going to try and do it on my own article. You will like to see more fun from here.

  19. Rosy Ferry says:

    This was a really good post Elle, so glad to hear that you're feeling better, breakups do bring out real friends don't they? As do any hard times in your life, I remember when I was 19 I went through a really really terrible time and guess what, nearly ALL of my friends went away. I learned after that that a lot of friends are fair weather friends, they only want the fun and can't take the rain.

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog
    My Instagram | Instagram

  20. The point you made about being closed off, I find that extremely true – even now I have walls with those who I deem close, and sometimes I want to let them down but then find it's not reciprocated, and that hurts too. I'm glad you're moving on, and feeling better – will be good to see you soon 🙂 x

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

  21. You are amazing. And you deserve somebody who treats you as such. This post very very very nearly had me in tears remembering how shit I felt when I broke up with an ex (ahem over 5 years ago now…but still…emotional times!!!). It's so so so true that time is a healer and every single day things get slowly better until you're able to look back on it with a clear mind. I think heartbreak is one of the worst things a person can go through…but I always used to remind myself 'people do this all the time, I am not alone, I am not the only person to ever feel this way' – even though you might think you are! Your positivity is so enviable and so incredible, but there's nothing new there. Three months in and you're kicking some serious ass as per usual.

    And god damn right you quoted little mix. Amen. Because you're all the way up and he'll never bring you down. YOU'RE COOL, BY THE WAY. *oosh fist pump emoji*

    katie xx lacoconoire.com

  22. Eva Adalwolf says:

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  23. Elle, this is such a lovely post. I mean, the subject isn't lovely. Heartbreak is awful. BUT it's written in such a great way that I think anyone who's been heartbroken will be able to relate to one part of it. I personally believe that time IS a healer, and it is so cliche to say it but it's true. Friends also have a lot to do with getting through a breakup. I don't know what I would've done without mine when I went through a disaster of a time a few years back. Also, everything does totally happen for a reason and I bet you bigger and better things are just around the corner 🙂

  24. Anonymous says:

    My lover of seven years left me in the middle of the night, he gave no warning or indication that he was leaving. I work at night and when I arrived home the morning after he left everything he owned was gone. I am month later I found out that he was seeing a younger guy that he worked with, the guy practices a form of Santeria. This individual destroyed my life without as much as a forethought! prior to coming to DR LABABA for help, I asked other spell casters for help and received none! DR LABABA is the only one who helped me! I am glad to report that my lover and I are now back together. Thank you DR LABABA for everything that you did for us. And for those who need help should contact this man for help on his email
    address via: lababasolutiontemple@gmail.com

  25. R Burden says:

    As usual, your posts are so personal… like chatting to a friend. And I love that about your blog, Elle! I'm so happy to hear you're doing well and feeling better. Breakups suck and they can really destroy our happiness, at least for a while. I sooo agree with this part you said "But the problem with this is that when your confidence is based on someone else's opinion of you, you give them the power to rip it all away from you". It's very important to build our confidence solely based on ourselves. I need to do more of that too. Very inspiring post! Would love to see more like this (although I totally appreciate the wish to keep your life as private as possible). Lots of love! xox

    Renata | Speaking Beauty UK

  26. So brave to share your story. Also that red skirt is killer!!

    http://www.lindsaydavison.co.uk

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